Month: October 2016

Be Brave

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There are days where it feels like I’m not getting things right.  Days when I wonder what it is exactly that I’m offering this world.  There have been a lot of these since we moved.  I wonder how to share my gifts as I’m trapped under a mountain of work.  I think about how I can help myself to be present to the things that are happening around me.  The pace feels too fast for me to hold on to.  I have twinges of regret and a desire to be perfect worrying that I’m letting people down.

I am working hard to be true to myself.  I am trying so hard just to be me.

I want to be strong enough to weather these days.   And I am.  And I do.  But the pain of feeling my way through this cycle again and again feels so very hard.  I am working hard to be true to myself.  I am trying so hard just to be me.  Sitting in the journey.

I have such a deep desire for things to be different.  I crave community, meaningful relationships and work.  Some days I don’t feel like its possible and I want to run and hide, doing as little as possible to engage with the outside world as I can.  I don’t understand how our culture can be so dysfunctional and yet function.  And I don’t really know how to be within it’s dysfunction.  I want to find the right people.  I want to make room for myself to be.  I want to be strong.  I want to be self-assured.  I want to choose joy.  I want to live my truth.  I want to be someone who makes a difference.

Ironically it is my feelings of unworthiness that indeed make me so.  If I can be strong within myself and steadfast in my convictions;  to respect others, to respect nature, to be true to my ethics, to be honourable,  to be honest, to love, to choose joy, to be the best I can be, to be kind to others and myself, to be courageous enough to stand up for what I believe in, to uphold integrity, to show that I am capable, even when I make mistakes, to accept mistakes as learning, to let go of what other people think of me, to be patient, to show gratitude, to connect, to be me…then I will be living the life I’ve always wanted!

Don’t be perfect.  Be brave.

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