There has been a long period since moving to the farm where I have missed the old house. It is not so much a laundry listing of things I miss about it (although this has happened on numerous occasions), but it presented more as a guttural emotional response at the loss of my previous life. There was something about that place that was so entwined with my identity. And isn’t that just it, when we invest ourselves in place, it becomes much more difficult to uproot ourselves.
It was as if we were root bound, having grown tighter and tighter within our undersized container. In order to free ourselves, we ripped ourselves from the pot, tearing apart our roots, separating them, damaging some of them in order to allow new growth. I feel as though I left many roots behind. Not the ones that breath life into me (my family, my creativity, nature), but gone are the tiny side shoots that were numerous but fragile. They were not salvageable. But these roots are slowly being replenished with new ones.
I looked at some photographs of the old house several weeks back without feeling the lurch in my stomach that I had grown accustomed to when reflecting on life before the farm. As we approach spring, we can’t help but get excited! Things have already started to accelerate around here. Orders are coming in for the nursery’s spring pick up date, we have received a grant to plant a wind break of edible and useful trees, the tree cuttings are rooting in our basement along with many flats of annual seedlings, plans are being made for the sustainable cropping of the fields, the tarp is laid for the breaking of a new garden bed, and the research has been completed for the expansion of our barnyard – soon we’ll have lots of chicks and ducklings running about the place. We are drowning in abundance!
In addition to all of the farm related tasks, which Rob has been amazing at taking the lead on (I prefer to take the role of ‘best supporting character’), we have been adjusting to a different sort of life. I am now back at work part time, teaching Kindergarten gym for the most part. I miss being home with my own children. And they miss me. I have become very busy, trying to juggle all of my different roles (mother, teacher, employee, farmer, wife, writer).
After a stint where I wasn’t sure my extreme efforts were making any sort of positive difference in this world, I have decided to pursue a project that has been on my heart for quite some time. I am beginning to write a book about family life and parenting – Permaculture style! The writing is in the early stages so it is all still really exciting and I can’t seem to work on it enough! Because we’ve got so many things vying for our time, like always we’re jostling priorities so that I can carve out time to make it happen. I have taken to a nightly routine of writing for an hour after the kids go to bed. So far that seems to be satiating my writing appetite. Perhaps more blog posts will roll out of me too now that I’ve remembered (yet again) just how important writing is to sustaining me. I am home.
Thank you for reading this update…I know it’s been a while since you’ve heard from me!