Earth Care

Let’s Do This!

16142221_10154785151911181_4087145750345191819_n

This is beyond us. This is more than personal. What we are being called to do is to live freedom. Be freedom. Don’t apologize for being radical. Be it. Live it. Push it…because it’s what is needed to survive.

Bring up the heaviness that has sunk to the bottom. Mix it in. Blend the hearty nourishment that has settled beneath the depths, largely forgotten. Bring it up. Make waves and turbulence when you do. Don’t be afraid to drown. Fearlessness will actually be what keeps you afloat. Fear is a cage we create for ourselves. An entrapment that will starve us in the end. We can choose to move beyond the bars of our confinement with our eyes, our minds or our full selves when we grow enough courage to make the flight through the open door.

The surface is oily – it slips and slides reflecting and refracting light. It is elusive and escapes our stirring. It is beautiful, but it is an illusion because it is disgusting at the same time. The surface is only a shape-shifting mirage. It is not real.  What we see is not representative of what’s buried in the depths. It is thin and vain. It can’t be mixed – only skimmed form the surface. So trust and reach deep for the good stuff. Don’t be disillusioned by the surface grime that will only serve to mat your feathers flightless.

Get real. Get honest. Get to the bottom of it.  Savour the fulfilling roots at sustain us all. Connect to earth. Connect to each other. Look past the illusions of freedom that have become delusions of hollow meaning. There is nothing real in what you cannot grab hold of.  Talk to people not screens. Hear heart songs not gossip. Be engaged. Be in real time. Be in control…of what you do with yourself. Of how you choose to meet the world. Be mindful of what pulls you from your roots. From each other. From what’s real and meaningful. Stop straining. Force should not be necessary for this is a natural process.

Don’t engage the dramatic escapades of the media. Or each other. Call it out! Don’t sit idly by watching it all fall apart. Name it as fear mongering. Keep a soft heart. Stay close to your attachments. Make them your focus. Attachment determines our existence –for it is more important to us than food or water. So cling to those you love and those who love. Build form there…together. Visioning , creating and actioning…together. Secure your community. Both the externally and the one within. Stop waiting at the wall. Step out onto the dance floor and give it all you’ve got. Break out your best moves without shame. Take love seriously. Bomb the world with it. Forget the war on terror…this is a war on fear. Let’s get our rage on!

2015 in Review

11067501_10153080987691181_2860982629222284880_o

A lot has happened in the past year.  In retrospect, many things have shifted for us where at the time it felt like change was slow.  It was wonderful to sit and reminisce about where we have been this year, and get excited for where it is we’re headed!

According to my WordPress annual report, the top five posts I published this year are:

First Steps – A post that brought me to tears upon re-reading, since the sentiments are so very true for where we’re at in our journey right now…we have been preparing to move for a very long time.  I have worked at adjusting my mental and physical spaces, making room for change.  Now…all of a sudden, it’s time!

Truth and Grace – This post was written about my struggle to meet the world with integrity.  When I re-read it nearly a year later, there were many things that still felt current.  I think the search for balance between truth and grace is one I shall pursue for the rest of my days.

Top 10 Permaculture Parenting Tips – This was my first ‘top 10’ style post, and I was really proud of it!  Since writing it, we have been able to phase out of ‘time outs’ even, which is lovely.  Sometimes the children are requested to ‘take a break’ from the situation in a location of their choice, but it was nice to see progress in my own parenting methods since posting!  I would like to delve further into this topic, and plan to over the next year…perhaps in ebook form?  We’ll see!

Should Children Do Chores? – We tried having a set tidy up time before dinner and had a great groove going for a while!  Then something interfered with our schedule for a few days (illness?  trip?  I can’t remember) and we lost our rhythm.  Once it was thrown off kilter, it has been hard to regain balance, but we keep trying.  There have been a lot of external factors inhibiting our success in this realm.  Rather than stress about it, we tidy before dinner on days when it’s possible.  Other days, we live with the mess!  In the meantime we are also drastically reducing and simplifying the inside of our home so that tidying up is far less overwhelming no matter when it happens.

Offensively Defensive – I still catch myself on rare occasions making apologies for something that hasn’t been identified as a problem.  As I have been able to release my defensiveness  and assume that people are not passing judgments, I have begun to notice just how much passive aggressive communication happens in our culture.  Upon reflection, it is likely the passive aggressive culture that led to my offensive defensiveness, since people are passing judgments all the time!  I feel blessed to now be able to witness these judgmental statements as a reflection of the speaker, not myself.  I have realized I don’t have to participate in this part of culture, I can just watch it all happen, and the anxiety and fear that goes along with it…from a distance!

Apart from what WordPress had to say, I reviewed many of my posts from the past year, and thought I would share a few more…

My most meaningful post was Facing the Ugliness of Parenting.  It was difficult to write and even harder to release to the world.  Admitting a lack of perfection is frowned upon in our society,  which is exactly why it needs to be normalized!  Parenting should not be done in solitude…

A post that was great for me to reread was The Sound of Crying.  I am happy to have reminded myself of how important crying is to the landscape of a child.  I still struggle with this at time, wanting to stop the sobs for my own purposes.  But reading this post again has reminded me of my purpose and dedication to releasing this within myself.

My favourite post from this year was The Rocky Road to Simple Living.  I feel like it captures many sentiments and learning that I continually press into.  I think ‘simple living’ is actually about continually redefining what it means for myself.  To some it might be tending chickens, to others it might mean living with minimal possessions.  Ultimately, it means something completely different to each one of us.  So it is by very definition a grey area.  In the process of defining a ‘simple life’ I am also able to determine that which does not serve me.  Simple living is about creating space for what matters, and letting the rest fall away.  It is the pursuit of simple living that is difficult because journeys of self-reflection are not easy.

Thank you for reading!  Your presence with my words is very much appreciated.  Blessings for a wonderful 2016!

Pushed out of the Nest

12191207_10153614925031181_6932379236836923475_o

Before…

There are times in life where it becomes clear that you need to move on.  I have been imagining lately how difficult and frightening it must be for baby birds to be pushed out of the nest by their mothers.  But if it weren’t for the mother’s gentle nudge, would the baby bird ever have fledged?

So it is with us.  I have been elusively writing about ‘dark times’ and feeling stretched.  It is now time to come clean about what’s been going on around here.  I finally feel ready to share this difficult journey, as I know we’re not the only ones.  It has been an emotional roller coaster for us, but one that needs to be talked about and examined for what it is…

In August, a letter arrived from our municipality announcing we needed to ‘clear our land of weeds longer than 6 inches by Friday.’  We had a week to mow down our forest gardens.  Our lawnmower grunted in anguish as it attempted to mulch the scythed remnants of our former orchard meadow.  The trees still remain, but many of the shrubs are out.  Apart from the plants Rob saved in pots, all of the herbaceous and ground cover layers are also gone.  Years of work to regenerate and re-wild the plot…mowed down in a few days.  Once a bylaw infraction has been made on your property, you are required to come into compliance for the full property, regardless of the nature of the complaint.

It is a week I will remember forever.  My heart was broken.  Our gardens were gone.  I had been betrayed.  Better still, I didn’t know who reported us (and still don’t) other than it was a neighbour.  During the process of removing the vegetation, I overheard comments from two separate neighbours, celebrating the destruction.  It felt like the world was against us.  I have never felt so powerless.  I have never been so angry.  I wanted to post nasty signs on my lawn.  I wanted to return the wagon my children inherited from the couple next door.  I also wanted to shrivel up and die.  I wanted to be invisible as I mowed.  Unseen as I cried while murdering our plants.  Unnoticed as I hurled unripe squash across my yard after they were snapped too early from their vines in an effort to clear the neighbouring plants that qualified as infractions to the bylaw.  My mind was concerned with who was watching us and when.  I felt scrutinized.  I worried and still think about what other aspects of our lives are the concern of others.  For the most part, I have been able to move through the darkness, finding my way to the other side.  We are blessed to have a very strong community of like minded permaculture types to call our friends.  It has been so helpful to be held and so deeply understood through this process.  We also had the unwavering support of my mother-in-law, who watched the children, offered tender words and hugs, and was out in the garden with a sickle, while I cried.

The reality is that we live in a neighbourhood.  Over the 7 years we’ve lived here we’ve engaged in numerous conversations about what it is that we’re doing, and why.  Usually we were answering a question inquiring about our property, but sometimes conversations were started in defence of our yard’s appearance. But you can only go so far with a conversation that is one sided without sounding like you’re trying to convert people, or like you’re nuts!  We have neighbours and a municipality which values mowed lawns and manicured gardens.  We have since learned that the bylaw in our area even applies to rural agricultural properties!  So if you are reported, you must come into compliance, pay a fine or hire a lawyer.  We could have fought it.  We could have spent our income on a lawyer to make our case for forest gardening and provide bountiful uses for the plants we were growing which reside on the ‘noxious weeds’ list.  But it was immediately clear to me that I was not prepared to take on a fight for a property we no longer wanted.  Feeling unwanted in your own home is not something I am willing to fight for.  We don’t belong here.  We have chosen instead to find joy!

We have been pondering for a while how to make the jump to a farm.  There were many pull factors, things that made us want something different, but nothing that was pushing us from our current home.  Well, now we have had our own nudge out of the nest.  We’re not fully clear about what we’re jumping to just yet, but we’ve got some interesting ideas and are more motivated than ever!  It is now time for us to spread our wings and fly!

Clothing Swap!

10914858_10152964433786181_7298259752155256310_o

A week ago, I hosted a clothing swap!  The intent was to subversively reject Black Friday, which has turned out to be today.  Those who attended my swap were too polite to speak up about my error!  Just goes to show how in touch I really am with consumerism.  In any case, I wanted to write about the experience because we had a lovely evening.

The idea of a clothing swap is to trade clothes you no longer want with other people.  The number of items you bring does not have to equal the number of items you take home.  The clothes are piled in the centre of the room, and you take what you like.  Anything that does not find a new home is donated to charity.

For our swap, I invited many people, but only a few were able to make it.  It was nice to have a small gathering.  Since there were just four of us, we could really help each other through the process of selecting clothing that looked nice on us.

When people arrived, we enjoyed some of the (ridiculously numerous) snacks that I had prepared and drank wine and homemade hard cider.  When we determined that everyone had arrived, we dumped the clothes into one large pile on my rug.  It was like a treasure hunt searching through the clothes mountain.  I tried on a lot of things, and kept several.  We each started our own ‘stash’ where we put the things that we wanted to keep.  I found some really neat things, some that I would have picked up in a shop and many things that I likely wouldn’t have even tried on otherwise!

It was a wonderful evening filled with conversations and laughter with lovely people that I’m glad to call my friends.  It was nice to choose clothes I liked without having to worry about the price tag or the environmental impact of my purchase.  For all of us, what we brought to the swap were bags of clothing we were planning to get rid of anyway.   I got rid of far more than I kept.  And what I did end up keeping were things that freshened up my wardrobe in unexpected ways!  We all enjoyed ourselves so much that we plan on having another gathering in the springtime!

How to host your own clothing swap:

  1. Set the date – if you’re trying to coordinate it with a special event day, be sure to check your calendar!
  2. Invite your friends!  I invited lots of people, but the party ended up being small.  I would say, smaller is better.  Although I’ve not hosted a large clothing swap, it might get ugly if people were fighting over the same items!
  3. Find a full length mirror to set in the shared space, near where the pile of clothes will be
  4. Create a ‘change room’ (We used my bathroom), but most people just changed in the common space.  I wore a tight tank top and just changed in front of my friends.
  5. Prepare some snacks
  6. Gather.  Explain the process.  If there are disputes over who should get what item, have a vote – the person who is voted to look the best in the item of clothing takes the prize!
  7. Have fun!!!
  8. Take remaining items to your local thrift store, so they can find a new home.

 

 

Dirt Cookies: Sharing the Heaviness of Life with Children

How is it possible that we have people so impoverished that they have to eat dirt cookies in order to trick their stomachs into thinking they’re full?  They have no food.  My husband brought up that he had seen this video last week as we sat around the dinner table.  The children were curious, asking about what the cookies looked like, what they tasted like, and ultimately asked to watch the video.  We elected to talk about solutions rather than spending our time watching something that would perhaps be disturbing for them.  But what has been more interesting is how they have been carrying this idea with them, that there are children in the world who are eating dirt to survive.  They bring it up frequently, as it is something beyond their understanding of the world, and I presume the idea was a bit jarring, as it was for me as well.  My children have lived a very sheltered and privileged life.  We have never known hunger.

At first, my children wanted to bake some cupcakes and send them to Haiti.  After some discussion about what might happen to the baked goods on the long journey across the world, my five year old son has decided he will donate money to help these people find something better to eat.  He recently started a t-shirt business, upcycling t-shirts to fund a Lego police station that he wants.  He came up with the idea of getting the rest of the money to buy his Lego station (which is now only about 3 more shirt sales), then sharing the remainder of his profits with hungry children.  An admirable solution for a young boy!

When we first brought this up with the children, I was a bit fearful of burdening their young souls with life’s ugly side.  The side where people aren’t as privileged as us, to the point where they struggle for their necessities.  I questioned whether my children are too young for these harsh realities.  What I was surprised by was his willingness to rise to the occasion.  He expressed a genuine desire to help out.  We do a lot of talking about ‘the golden rule’ in our house and after the fact, I see this as an extension of that discussion.  I think our effort to look for solutions rather than wallow in what’s wrong with the world is where real change can be made.  I hope to inspire my children toward making a difference and teach them that along with their privilege comes an opportunity to help others.

The truth is, extreme poverty exists.  The more I can normalize it, the more my children can move beyond an ‘us and them’ mentality and can rise up to find small solutions to big problems.  We will continue to talk about dirt cookies.  I plan to fully avoid the ‘you should eat your dinner, there are children in the world who are eating dirt cookies instead’ angle.  This helps no one.    Guilt should not be a motivating factor towards action.  What I do hope for is that my kids will be able hold in their hearts the difficult reality that there are children in the world without enough to eat and that we can do something about it.

Sunshine through the Rain

I sat down at my machine intending to finish off a blog post I started last week.  I was about two thirds of the way through it, when I heard raindrops begin to hit my window and a rumble of thunder rolled though the room.  My mood dropped.  After putting the children to bed, I raced outside to hang the diapers in the (what was then) sunshine.  Wanting so badly to get in and write, I hurried through the job, which still delayed me ten minutes from my post at the computer.  Every minute counts when I’m racing to finish things during the hour and a half of rest time after lunch.  I was worried that I might not finish the post before the children were finished their rest.

Upon the arrival of rain, I again hurried outside, feeling grumpy and annoyed at having to spend another ten minutes taking the now even more wet diapers from the line.  This was made worse by thinking of having to hang them out again on racks in the basement for a net loss of 20 minutes over what it would have taken if I had just hung them out in the basement to begin with.  Grumbling to myself while I stuffed the diapers and clothespins in their respective baskets, I started to notice the feel of the raindrops on my skin.

Then I noticed that the air had grown more fresh.  The negative ions were working their magic.  My thoughts were on the feel of gentle raindrops kissing my arms and face.  The rain brought me back to the present.  It was then that my thoughts shifted to thinking about places where they would give anything for a taste of this rain.  In California, four years of drought have climaxed into wild fires which are destroying their food bearing landscape and along with it, the crops, the soil, countless livelihoods and food security for much of North America.

I suddenly felt much better about bringing in my diapers from the rain.  I shall finish my other post tomorrow…

Creating a Homestead

I have started back into looking at real estate sites.  Wondering what life could be like if we were to move to a farm and homestead on a larger scale.  I have dreams of living somewhere off grid with a woodlot and a stream.  Enough room for pastured chickens and perhaps even a jersey cow.  But the dream doesn’t consider the hefty bill that comes along with it.  How is it that one is to transition to a larger property when it seems like such a better idea to pay off our mortgage and stay put?  The trouble is I still have this niggling feeling like we aren’t yet living the life we’re capable of.  I feel like a change is on the horizon.  The difficulty is waiting for its arrival.  We are sending out some pretty strong intentions to move toward a homesteading life, but as I have discovered, a homestead is just as much in the mind as in the land.  We are working toward making more of our own food, and preserving what we can while it is in season.  There are many things we are doing to be homesteaders on half an acre.  I have big plans to have chickens again in the spring and to try my hand at bee keeping next summer.  All of that is available to me right here, right where we are.

I reflected on this process back in December, and came to the conclusion that we should focus on living in line with our holistic goal and everything else would fall into place.  This spring and summer have been wild with activity.  We have been stretched in many ways, trying to keep up with our ideas and commitments.  We had given ourselves a year to decide what to do next, but here we are half way through that year feeling no less confused.  The hours we’ve spent initiating and actualizing projects off of our property have been wonderful and have taught us so much about what we value.  But we have not yet made time to refine our holistic goal!  This has left us feeling unfocussed.  The past six months have helped us to come to some clarity about what is and is not making our hearts sing.  It is easy to think something is satisfying when it really isn’t, when the idea of it is, but the action is not.  Rather than trying to pursue permaculture in a way that makes money, we are learning to follow our joy, hoping the money will sort itself out.  People bring the most creativity and skill in the areas they have a passion for.  It is lovely to read books and watch videos about other people who have found their niches and how they are making enough to live abundantly using permaculture principles.  What is not yet clear is how our family will wind our way toward the self-sustaining lifestyle I crave.  Many of the things we are interested in have the potential to pay the bills.  But this leads to the argument for seeking financial freedom from our mortgage so that we have fewer bills to pay!  The mental cycle is endless.  There is always another angle to consider, another reason to return to a previous idea, keeping us circling around a decision.

When I have made big decisions in the past, it’s because I knew they were the right ones.  I am not someone who leaps in quickly.  I think on things for quite some time until I can’t deny that a big change is imminent.  At the edge of change, somewhere deep in my gut I felt a compulsion to make it happen.  I have that feeling about moving to a farm, but there is no clear way to make that happen yet.  Like my approach to so many things, I don’t want to force it.  When I try to make it work, I usually only end up killing the creativity.  This happens all the time with my artwork.  Once I get too into my head, the creative spark fizzles out and I am left second guessing and feeling anxious.

I have been checking the real estate sites, but not as frequently.  I feel the action is keeping me open to the possibility of the right property coming along and sending the intention out clearly over and over again.  I also view the properties with an intuitive eye now.  If it doesn’t seem right, it’s not.  No point in forcing the issue.  There is nothing pushing us from our current home, other than a feeling of unfounded urgency.  My rush is because I don’t feel like I have time to waste – the planet is withering and I feel I need to act now in order to secure my future and a future for my children.  When considering the planting of fruit and nut trees that take years to produce a yield, it is discouraging to think of delaying that another five years.  But what I am allowing myself to consider more and more is that the trees we plant are not just for us or our family, but they are for future generations.  In this subversive act, we are planting hope for the future.  I’d like to believe that any love and care we offer to our current property is an investment in the future of mankind.

Wishing our time on this property away, as we watch the weeds take over our garden beds and some food bearing crops wither, is not creating joy for us.  We are not engaging our own land, but are looking elsewhere in search of something better.  What we have right here is pretty awesome!  If we put as much effort in here as we have been extending beyond our property, we could be enjoying the yields of this farm rather than wasting its potential while suspending it in the midst of indecision.  And so we are again trying to hash out our holistic goal.  We have also decided to identify the things in our life that are not bringing us joy, from the items in our home, to the way we use our time and space.  Once these snags are identified we can find creative solutions to abate them or just decide to simply let them go.  There may come a time when a new and big opportunity to move comes along, or necessity pushes us from this nest, but for now, we wait.  And wait.  And wait.  Thanks to some lessons learned from a toad, it will become clear when we are to jump.   For now, we can hunker down and put in some serious time here.